i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
