You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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