I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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