remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
