I just saw a hot homeless man
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
