Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize