ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
