while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
