remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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