my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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