You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
