The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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