I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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