Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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