just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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