I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
