Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
