I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
