so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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