Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
