I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
