I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
