A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
