he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
