I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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