i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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