Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize