There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
