My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
