end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my being single is dangerous.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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