I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
