Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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