He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this boner is exhausting
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
