Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
