WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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