i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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