no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
