You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize