TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
