I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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