morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The best revenge is premature balding
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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