I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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