I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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