time to smoke my breakfast
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize