you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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