I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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