Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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