I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my poor anus
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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