The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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