my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
