You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
