You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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