new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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