Please, let me fuck your mom
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
