My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
