he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
