census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
