I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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