I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
