the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
