I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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