tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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