Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
