Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
