How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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