Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we're so committed to being not committed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
