explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
