happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize