How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
