i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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