It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
