im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
