you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
