Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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