He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
